IP1: It’s not easy being green


Screen Shot 2015-03-15 at 12.35.43Narrator [a soft Scottish accent] It is the day of the football club’s latest Community Initiative, Go Green, and the now solo MD, John Fletcher arrives for his meeting with Graham Bobbins, Global Retail Strategist and the newly-promoted Customer Engagement Provider, Wendy Ramsey. Head of Performance, Yorkshireman Mick Mack, has sent his apologies.


John [reading from note] “… need more effing time to work on defending from effing short corners.” [throws note aside] Right! Haven’t got much time. Video conference scheduled for eleven. We need to work out some more ideas for the Go Green initiative. We need to set an example. For instance, I came to work on my bike this morning.

Wendy You come to work on your bike every morning.

Graham Well, what about this idea? We move all the people who sit in the family areas into one stand, the West stand. We can even play Go West over the PA for a few weeks to get people used the idea.

John Sorry, what has this to do with the environment?

Graham Ah, yes. People can – um – huddle together for warmth. Yes, that’s it. They’ll generate their own energy. … And there’s an even better idea for the under-fives.

John Go on…

Graham We move them all to the top tier. There’s a good reason. Everybody knows that five year olds are much more likely to be hit by stray balls than six year olds are. Makes sense.

Wendy [muttering] Just as long as we don’t put them in row Z…. Hoof! Still don’t get the environmental reason…

Graham Simple! We wire the stairs up to our generator. All those trips up and down to the food stalls and the toilets for little Bontcho and his parents, could save us a few quid!

John I’m really not sure, Graham. I don’t think the families in our fan base will be happy about this…

Graham Ah, but, here’s the best part. They can’t go up there alone. Their families will have to buy the more expensive tickets for the upper stand too. Plus, it’s almost impossible to reach the West stand without passing a sales outlet. We encourage families to enter the ground by passing the club shop and harness the pester power of hundreds of small children determined to own the latest kit.

John Good. I’m liking this much more…

Graham [feeling he’s on a roll now] … And we have a new kit design all ready. [rummages in briefcase] Here! The very latest Town strip. I’ve ordered hundreds of them.

Wendy But it’s green, Graham. With yellow trim.

Graham Exactly. If I say so myself, there’s a touch of brilliance here. Go Green. Green kit. Simple!

John I think I’d better be off now. I think perhaps it’s back to the drawing board, Graham. Back to the drawing board.