Naturally, we at Turnstile Blues had to hold our own end-of-season Alternative Awards ceremony, the Cleggies. The champagne flowed, the party went on into the small hours and the boys all looked fabulous in their glittery designer frocks. Or possibly we thought them up in the garden of the award-winning Greyhound after the last match of the season.
The Young Player of the Year Award
Goes to Luke Chambers’ son. Sign him up etc.
New Signing of the Season
The Big Mick Burger.
The Richard Naylor “Early Reducer” Award
Goes to Frank Nouble for a magnificently gratuitous clattering of Joey Barton just seconds after coming off the bench at Loftus Road. Such a thing of beauty that it almost compensated for QPR scoring their late winner from the resulting free-kick.
The Turnstile Blues We Love Him So Stop Slagging Him Off, OK? Award
Goes to the Hyamighty Luke Hyam. Want to make something of it?
The Danny Haynes Memorial Premature Celebration Award
Goes to Reading fans for their pitch invasion when they didn’t get into the play offs.
The Darren Currie Distinctive Ink Award
To Luke Chambers for having one complete tattoo sleeve and one arm bare of artwork. Daryl Murphy’s dual tattoo sleeves made him a contender but we like the bold artistic statement made by Chambers’ contrasting upper limbs.
Away Fans of the Year Award
The Tyrone Mings Example To Us All Award
Goes to Tyrone Mings!
The 1970s Revival of the Season Award
Goes to the industrial-sized toilet roll that was hurled on to the pitch from the away end at Huish Park. Great effort, guys. And it must indeed have been a great effort.
Best Pub Award
No contest here. For another fabulous season in which Dan wisely rotated his squad, brought in some innovative tactics and once again stayed at the top for the entire season: The Greyhound.
Beard of the Year Award
The Malcolm Tucker Omnishambles Award
To everyone at ITFC responsible for the opt-in / opt-out direct debit fiasco, setting the already-high Public Relations Cock-up bar at Portman Road to frankly Olympian levels. As the great man himself might have said: “This is like the Shawshank Redemption, only with more tunnelling through s**t and no f***ing redemption”.